.’ I ‘ ‘ vv ,', . , . "4 \ ... r ‘ I \ ’ I! v" , ., " I u ; . ‘ , , r a . ”’/' THE '0 Popular Hand—Books Series; No. 8; BEADLE AND 0031mm. 3;; WILLIAM STREET, NEW YORK. New England News 00., Boston, Mass. _. -m“.—_ mm ..s. ~--_.—. .—..- ° i [R’s CASKET“ r 1 / / ,i VBBJADLM'S Aard Dime Song Book /, "Noe. 1 to 24.. Price Ten Canto Each; ‘ I a, on Courtinhflll oxdnolvo right to no the wordo oi oonge publiohed hy ‘1). 1mm; . Alon o! the nut?!» PM" mm iI I pooitlon to produce tho letoet end hoot eon“ or “1. d“ i. Ac Bolt Boob. Therefore, ell doeiring Student Copyright end other Bongo, otherwioo thm in giant. nun, will find them il M“ mm “It 30ml. loch hook contan olxty-Iour dlfloront eon“ uni up "mod in eloor, opo- mo. If No no: pnhliehod o ooeond time in the oeriu. Dino loo; Boob. ill "'0 "in". line nowhere to e volume, (1 to t—lo to l!) hudoomoly hound in t Moudonorooeh. No. IG—Mletr-eoe Jinke Barker“ 50.... our, oontoining, The Broodwoy toil, m m. .5” thet’o lobby, Bhornue O’Brien, Croeolng on tho lorry, Pretty little deer, Hohey-pohoy, The Dutch “1.. vondor, The derh end roguioh oyo colored refugee Johnn McSwettlpn Teuole on tho hooto, The {irony fol ow, The et le which it’e done, Humpt Dum ty Joe Dondy ot,Tho to! the girle em , L. e. .,or, 6h wouldn’t you lkoto hnow, Mietroee Jlnho, of Modioon uoro, I'm the clap thet'e nohhy, Young Plontotion oo, end tony 0 III. 50. BI—The Velool ode Belle luster. oontelning, Boeutlfui be le, Copteln Jlnho, hicho- hiddy, Dendy berhor Joe, Git olong my yellor golo, Hone Breitmene’e {hllooopodo “I on boot hlm et thot.” I reolly oh i entire hiy hoooin friend, hi love Noll, Rechetty Joe , o hello 0! Fourteont etroot, The bell [ooe wringinfi {or Sol-reh, The fol- lor thet loohe liho me,Tho go oping mob of Rotten Row. The volocipodo been, The velncipode belle Tho wichodoet men in Now Yorh Tho yollor gel thin winked et we, Up in e holloon, end forty O Oro to. ll—The Fifth Avenue Sonfieter, con- toining, A weruiug to oriente, Beer it iho o men, Dod’e I millionoiro, F i‘th Avenue, George Ireotuo In. Her: Brown, Iloto Kothleon O’hioro, Little Berefoot, how veroion of Tommy Dodd, 0h, Boruey evoumoon, I will let you in. Serpent Co Sho‘o e [Ii 0’ mine, Thet lovely Grecian bond, 0 bird- whiotle men, Tho little hoot-blorh, Topping ot the rden gnlefl'he orxen grinder. Tho ohernroch of old Eeiond The upper ten, Tommy Dndd,The whiotling thiol, Wolhlng down Broodwey, Wlnhlng et no, end thirty-five othore. an. Bi~The Gretchen Bond Sonntel’y °°|' telnlng. A country We for mo, Adolphue Marni} - lory, Ae throu h the pork I o, Everybod ’o irien , :ie’o o pol o' m no My old wffe, Not {or on h—Q, 0h, i'll eo {and o dencin , I’oreonelo In the ovoid, ThoMgennflower,Sho lo ooling thoo,Tlle quodroon, The flying tr‘eJeu, The Germ-n bond The Grocien bond, The dew ’Tildo Tooto, Weitln Broodwoy otoge, “in... you end I were (frlo, Let no eponh him {or hie mother. I un't e-goinx to tell, Aloheetor Joe, My own Eileen Down, And thirty re. NO.‘ -—We’ll love to t. the Style ter, contoining. Folio! un, Gey end feetive lollow o! the woet, If you love me my eo, In L horn, Joney hlno, Kathleen Aroo Linked with runny Utter tom, Little Fonchon, It obol, Mom. I “cth ‘hrthor complete, Nowl lo me down to eleo Oh, goth ie m feir one, Pod y Blehe’e echof rain! )1 on. old mm, Putty little Sonia. 8-1 y A“ I - She con win end fool you Ill The merrieet I out, They tell me thou ort o «ping, Whot i We'll hove to ‘.t the otylo, end forty Uncle Ben, the that Croquet Son oter, cont-In- the old orth tree, thor the (line, mrlle wee hie neruo, Croquet, Dough- , no more, Dear father, come dOwn . 1)0 not heed her morning, I’ll on. 1’“ never forget than. door Mu , I'm e twin, Jonnlo Juno, Joeoie. tit. hol tho or My thoughto ere of thee onl , S n eoitly, oer eioter, n. “ Ao You Like it at i: the gang. Tigebcuehoo’e notoel The nod ‘ o oor e utc nrbor Yo : lirle, enzi forty othon, ' n “um l“ No. rs—mu me while I'm ' Bong-tor, containing. An hour at (13:15“ “ Bring me o pretty bouguet ” Con than be hieein l Come from or, beer (other, dr n more, Io vowed he never would loeve mo. Ki ‘ while I‘m dreemiuz. Loved onel ot home, 0 .w lworo e ily, Only wolting, See, the conquprinx romeo, Sloop, m deer one, Solon Shingle, SM: conemlrumt, “ he Flnnigine,”The potter n! rein, Thero’e only room for two, Tim-n hhb - then o’, olo mono, Yohn Schmidt, Your ml end orty othore. 4 NO. 17—’Tie Flnlehed Songoier, canto! Acnehlo lmochreo Conotentinoplo, Cuehle . mechroo. lilo Rhee, Borewoll eons: of Enoch Ar. Fothor’o come homo, Little Ted, Loot otor of homo. Mercth through Georgie, Nanoy’. w. fell, Nicodemue Johneon Now Maul, Oni on i Our ondiother’e time, l’olly Perkino, of PM.“ tan roon. Santa Clouo. Sing birdie, olng, To '. The cot where the old iolhe died, The ochuul 0 j dop,Tho ohip that never returned, ’Tie finl-h We‘ve drunk from the lame contoen, end to othero. No. “in—Victory at Loot Boron-tor, cont in , I built A bridge of hncloe, l vento to go hm (hlnxlmlllon'e lement), Lorena, oonlight and Il light, M pretty Quedroon, PM‘MIO our own can Pet Mal 0y, Poul Vane, Picture on t )8 won’ rum on lire. Richmond to cure, Shermnn'. much to ‘ un,Thnt‘e where the llugh comoo in, The C0“, Bewn,Tho drum of home, The old bachelory. w] The prieoner'e hopo,Tho ooldler'. “gleam. hn" ’i‘runpi trompi tflmPl View? 5‘ lugwn. M, “hum, ‘ V." rpm" w aim, uh Zonl. Ind thir ot ore. No. IB—Whorr the Boy. com Bongeter, containing, Bechal'orv- lune“ ‘ home, i'ethor, Comrodoe, touch the e bum corn-mill, For Phil. Shoridnn, hand) I W. e to—night, l’rn e young men from ha I In: Nancy FontV Oh, teko ma ‘0 t O’Shene in home, Sully. come up. 3 Old cob ' lone Tentlngin the old can” In-nlo chem, The little brawn Co" Tn. thirty-oeven, The troulndm"l IT'“ Ono‘wo , urioe, “men the boye can. hon be blue (3 other:. oI “d {o No. lL—Tcnderiy Lift u Songeter, cont-lining, A ", Mollie, Better timee ore oomluxl 3,0 the bottle. Corporol Schm ., u . , t.” m. a vieit to New Yorh City, Fiv. osCIOCkrtrmer s‘ubbl, I’d chooeo tobe :- hehy,1rm in u, l'e on do why, Kielln on the .1 Mormeld’o eonz. Soft y now u ' core, Sweet little Nell ‘rbe to The mpeic etore window, he old I the Yenheo. Will you wed m. end forty othon. now 11:13 TIIE DIME LOVERS CASKET: * A TREATlsE ON AND GUIDE TO . ._ FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. MEACING, ALSO, A COMPLETE FLORAL DICTIONARY; - THE LANGUAGE OF THE IIANDKERCIIIEF; THE LANGUAGE OF THE FAN; THE LANGUAGE 0F TIIE CANE; THE LANGUAGE OF THE FINGER RING; ETC. PREPARED EXPRESSLY FOR THE DIME SERIES, BY DR. LAMBOUILLET ROSSI. NEW' YORK: ‘3 La BEADLE AND COMPANY, PUBLISH s, 98 WILLIAM STREET. .‘1‘ fl AU'I‘HO IVS SAIIU’I‘ATIO N. ____~_._;,s_____.. ' The Language of Love 2 A tempting,r theme for a volume! For many Volumes, indeed, so all absorbing is the theme to every well- or'fiered hum-in life. tad must be that life which is doomed neVermot‘e to feel Friendship‘l , gentle emotions. ’.nt desolate as the Arctic night mart be that life which nevermore can I , V} thruli to the heart of Love. ‘t is nine of Heaven‘s bencticeut hoons that man. however lowly, may low and he loved. It is one of God's divinth gifts‘ that elevates man to the atmosphere of the angels—this capacity for love. is brings with it the Fweetest sense of all conceivable earthly things- likl- unalight, enveloping all within its folds. It sweeps all the chords of our being, making our heart-strings vibrate to every smile, word, touch and thought of the one beloved. its {all «iwciopmcnt is the grand climax of life. to reach which man and woman will to deator all things, even to contumcly and death. ’ It is itofhiWays sweet and fair and pure, alas ! and comes. Sometimes, in fiereeness. with terror or despair in its train: then is Love insane. We write. of the Love that is called The Beautiful; we lift. the m” to mysteries thatare not forbidden to the young; we talk familiarly as one privileged. and know that we will lead into the Temple a throng of thauk- ' m1 and happy devotees. L. R. ’ tered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870. by V, e: BEADLE AND COMPA Y. 1n “unit‘s once of the District. Court of the United State. {or the ‘ Southern Dietrict of New York. well- ilp‘l may e of gs~ rule and I, in il to one mnk- ' R. _'—_ FRIENDSHIP: Its fersonnlly, - - Between Man and .mimn, oper, Close Communion Letters, - - - A \Vurning, - - - Excellent Advice, ~ A Prime Point, - - Allow no Improper Intimacy, Special to Young Men, - Something to Avoid, - Gnllunlries, - - - Gifts, - - - - Beware of Love, - - Cm'rcspondence, - LOVE: The Dawn of Love, - Love’s Secretiveness, Confidences, - - - The First Consciousness of Love, A Man‘s Way, - . A VVomzm’s \Vay, - CONTENTS. ' Unworthy Objects of Love by Woman, Unworlliy Ohjecls of Man‘s Love, - How to Avoid Mistakes, COURTSIIIP: The Door Ajnr, - - Disengnged, - - - Engaged: at what age is it proper, - Engagement not to be protracted, The Waning Time, - The Proposal, - - . CONTENTS. y PAGE. . Asking Papa, - - _ . - _ _ _ 38 The Rights of a Parent, - o - - - - 39 Engaged, - - - - - - - _ _ 43 Proposal Rejected, - - - - - - . 44 Breaking off an Engagement, - - - - 46 MARRIAGE : The Proper ’l‘ime, . . - . - . - 43 Various Forms of Marriage, - o - - - 48 The Trousseau, - . . . - . - . 50 Presents, - - - . . - . - . 50 Bouquets, - - . - - - . . - _ 51 » The Bridemuids, - - . - . . - 52 The Bridegroomsmen, - - . . - - . 53 The Bride, - - - . . .. . . 53 The Bridegroom, - . . - . _ . _ 55 The Certificate, - - - . - _ - _ 57 After the Ceremony, - - - . . - .. 57 The Wedding Breakfast, - - - . . - 57 “Cards ” or “ N0 Cards,” - - - - - . 59 Notes Congmtulatory, - - - - - . 01, AFTER MARRIAGE: Something to he Read Twice, - - - - - 62 Twelve Golden Life-Maxims, - - - - - 67 A Talk with the Unmarried, - - ~ - . 6'7 MISCELLANEOUS: Language of the Handkerchief, - . . - 73 Language of the Fan, - - - - - - - 75 I Language of the Cane, - - - - o - 76 Language of Finger Rings, - - - - 76 \Vedding Anniversaries, viz.: The Paper Wedding; “'ooden \Vedding: Till “raiding; Crysml Wedding; Linen Wedding: Si‘\’t‘l"v"ddiug% Gomcn Wedding; 47 I THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS: ’ a Use the Vocabulary, - - - . . 79 The seabulary. I——Flowcrs, - - . - ~ 80 “ “ II—Sentimcnts, . ' . ~ _ 89 feringr greatly in degree. TIIE LOVERS CASKET. FRIENDSHIP. ITS PERSONALTY. FRIENDSHIP between the Sexes is different from friendship 3': between man and man, seareely resembling,r it in kind, and dif- 'l‘he devotion of Damon and l’yth- ias forms a beautiful passage in history; but, their relations were brotherly, Platonic, net the magnetie attaehment which awakened all the sensibilities and thrilled the fram : as with n. vivifying tluid. There is no word in our idiom expressive _of that condition of feeling between the sexes which has not de- veloped into, and will not take on the forms (if, love. “’0 use the French term en rapport—in aflluity~to imply it, but, that is neither precise nor expressive enough; it is used in Common to express any lively relation between one or many persons. Thus, Dr. Osgood in deseanting on the power of oratory, says the speaker must become an rapport with his att- tliencc before he can arouse its interest. No term that can tints be applied to the many will answer to express the rela- tions of the individual, for sueh relations are wholly their own, centralized, m-cluxz're. \Ve must, therefore, be content with the word friendship— depending upon each person's own experience to give the interpretation in the sense implied, when the opposite sex is concerned. Longfellow's beautiful simile, embraced in the lines: . ., u I see the lights of the village ' Gleam through the min and the mitt, I And it feeling of sadness come! over me ‘ That my soul can not resist— x We THE LOVER’S CASKET. A feeling of sadness and longing, That is not akin to pain, But resembles sorrow only As the mist resembles the rain,” is expressive, in the St'liStJ referred to. Friendship between man and man has a ehrrming result, socially and morally. livery person is the better for the feel- ingot' regard for another. Even though that other may not be all worthy, the sentiment of deV’otion and atl‘ection enter- tained is a commendable one, exhibiting, as it does, human nature in its better moods, But, when the sentiment of :ttl‘ec- tion or regard, not exceeding the limits of friendship, is enter- tained by man for Woman, or woman for tnan, it is a source of pleasure which brings a deep, pure, lasting satisfaction, and he or she who has made no such friendly attachments is to be pitied for the loss they are experiencing. BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN. 5‘ History and literature are rife with the record of friendships between the opposite sexes, whose relations were accompanied by great personal or public results—~30 potent is the feeling to accomplish its wishes or purposes. In Goethe‘s“ Correspond- ence with a Child " we have a most delightful evidence ot‘ the beauty there is in a disinterested attachment. Goethe writes 10 Bettine: “Thou art a sweet- minded child; I read thy dear letters with in- ward pleasure, and shall surely always 1' ‘adthem again with the same enjoyment. Thy pictures of what has happened to thee, with all inward feelings of tenderness and what thy witty de- mon inspires thee. with, are real original sketehes, which in the midst of more serious occupations can not he denied their high .interests ; talte it there-lore as: a hearty truth, when I thank thee for them. Preserve thy eontidenee in me,and let it, if possible, increase. 'l‘hou wilt always be, and remain to me,.\\'ltat thou now art. llow can one reqnite tltee,.exet-pt by being willing to he enriched with all thy goml .L'mS- Tim" “0'39” kllttu'est how much thou art. to my mother} he" Idlers “"Wfltm' with praise and love. Continue to dedicate lovely “EUIHOHIS ot‘ re- membrance to the fleeting moments of thy good tortnne, 10,“ not {#01}; e thee that 1 will not presump1 to work out. themes so high-gift and full of lite, If trey Bil Speak as in”). and 'warme to thy heart. ‘ 'ndow, which. before their blossom md “ The grapes at my WI r l Us FRIENDSHIP. 1-1 0 C i l o ; now a second tune, were Witnesses of thy friendly Vision, smell in their full ripeness; 1 will not pluck them Without thinking ot thee. Write to me soon, and love me i ” The great. poet was then over fifty-six years of age, and “Mine was hat, a young girl. “or expressions were tlww .ii' linl tt~t~sinll," \\i.i('lt ninth} run»: n-n . ,. .‘i \'.'t):li:'..i titft’li‘z'x' im'in; '2._-: nirjz-t'i ; lat] the lint: was “.3. (it that “ sweet, \\ ill bliss in'a \rwltletl life; it was t‘atht-r a l‘t‘Lflll'ti anti (:utitith-nve so true :lllti under that the poet felt the “ angel unawares pre- \\'hen the (Tiliili was near him, and the volume referred to is a delicious record of the beauty there is in friendship, and the gratification which flows from its free, candid expres- sion. ‘ In Lilly’s “ Endymion "—one of the old classics of English poetry, we have this passage: 1 senee,’ “When atlversities flow Then love chhs; hut friendship stamleth Itlfily In storms. 'l‘itne (lraweth wrinkles in a fair Face, hut atlcleth fresh colors to a fast: Friend. which nei‘her heat, nor cold, nor mia‘ry, Nor place, nor destiny. can alter or Diminhlh. 0 friendship! Of all things the Most rare, and therefore most, rare because moot Excellent ; whose comfort: in misery Are always sweet, and whose counsels in Prosperity are ever fortunate. Vain love! that only coming near to friendship In name, would seem to be the same. or better, In nature.“ CLOE E COMMUNION PROPER. The communion of friends, whether hy association, or by letter, should be frank, free, Inn-estrained. if the friendship be r-al, the relations always will he correct. Shakspeare says: “ In rompalu’ons That do converse and waste the time together, Whose souls do hear an equal yoke of love, There needs must be a like proportion 01' lineamentr, of manners and of spirit.” —thut is, the two will so assimilate as to seem all 62’ But, this can only be where the parties are so circumsttm ed as to be permitted to “ converse and wastethe time together." The "w. i U 12 THE Lovrm's CASKET. conventionalities of society have stepped in and fixed certain bounds of “propriety” to this communion of friends of op- posilc sex, and, in a certain degree, these dictums have great tbree. But, friends in truth will not lack the occasion, “or be denied the privilege, of Communication and association; nor should they permit eonventionalities to interrupt the free flow of their feelings. LETTERS. Letters between friends, male and female, are a sure and most delightful mode of communication. Let them be as gen- erously conceived, as pure in purpose, and as suggestive of a genial reply as possible, and only good can come from the currcspondcncu This of course presupposes that the parties are properly mated as friends, andrthat the friendship can never he misconstrued into one of love. \Vhere a younglady writes to a young man, as a friend, all her woman’s modesty, all her pride, all her rights of sex will impel her to aVoid ant. forbid all thought and t vpression which can be Construed as the loVer’s speck-h, or as betraying the “ tender passion.” If from friendship’s correspondence, a lover‘s relations spring, it is a woman‘s most natu 'al impulse to be reticent—to retreat within herself, and all correspondence will be likely, for a. time at least, to cease. I A WARNING! There is one form of correspondence classed as friendly which we feel impelled to condemn in the strongest terms. In a certain paper of large circulation among women—parti- cularly young women—we have such advertisements as this: “ A young gentleman having the leisure and disposition for a correspondence with a young lady, will be happy to h ’tll‘ from any such 1)Cl‘5()li, who wants a lively and agre -able correspond- em. Address,"etc. These advertisements are, almost without exception, Mir/mi. Their authors solicit the Correspondence sometimes in a spit-i; of good nature, but are erer r lady to let it 1 'ad, or to le-u] it, into forbidden paths. No young lady, at all acquainted wiih the world, would answer such It Pmm‘l‘; but girls of a roman- tic turn of mind, artless and untutored in their dealings with worldly-wise young men. are the “013013 of these nets, and FRIENDSHIP. suffer tnm‘lification, in almost all instances, for their experi- ment, if they respond to the adwrtisement. As a rule, never rcspcct any man who comes in the guise ofan unknown correspondent. EXCELLENT ADVICE. A father writing to his absent daughter on her friendships gave-\her thisI most excellent advice : “The luxury and dissipation which prevail in genteel life, as it corrupts the heart in many respects, so it renders it incapable of warm, sincere, and steady friendship. A happy choice of friends will be of the utmost consequence to you, as they ma assist you with their advice and good oliices. But the immedi- ate gratification which is afforded to a warm, open and ingenu- ous heart, is of itself a sufficient motive to court it. In the choice of your friends, have your principal regard to goodness of heart and fidelity. If they also possesstastc and genius, that will make them still more agreeable and useful companions. "~You have particular reason to place confidence in those who have shown affection for you in your early days, when you wore incapable of making them any return. This is an oblig: - ‘ tion for which you can not be too grateful. If you have the good fortune to meet with any who deserve the name of friends, unbosom yourself with the utmost Confidence. It is one ofthe world‘s maxims, never to trust any person with a secret the dis- ('overy of which could give any pain; but it is the maxim of a little mind and a cold heart, unless where it is the effect of fre- quent disappointments and bad usage. An open temper, if rc- strained but by tolerable prudenee, will make you on the whole much happier than a resorved, suspicious one, although you may sometimes suffer by it. Coldness and distrust are the too certain consequences of age and experience; but they are un- happy and unpleasant feelings, and it is unnecessary to antici— pate them before their time.” These are maxims which it will do well to commit to mem- ory. The first friendships are, as they should be, formed at home. IIappy is the sister who has a. brother in whom to confide, and happy is the brother who has a sister whose Con- fidence he. can command. It is one of the faults of our sys- tem of home education that brothers and sisters do not become intimate enough-they do not share eucb other-‘3 secrets and coiifideuces. A film POINT. The law of friendship is undorlaid with certain practical or rm: Lovnn‘s CASKET. politic Observances which are to be heeded by the young, whose experience in men and manners is small. The father above quoted says, most wisely: “Never allow any person. under the pretended sanction of friendship, to be so familiar as to lose a proper respect. Never allow them to tease you on any subject that is disagreeable, or where you have once taken your resolution. Many will tell you that this is inconsistent with the freedom which friendship allows, but a Certain respect is necessary in friendship as e“ as in love: without, it you may he liked asa child, but will never be loved as an equal. The temper :md disposition of the heart, in your sex, make you enter more readily into friendship than men. Your natural propensity to it. is so strong, that you often run into intimacies which you soon have sufficient cause to re- pent ot'; and this makes your friendships so very fluctuating.” The same rule applies to men. A young man who would obtain and retain the respect of all, and the special regard of a few whom he desires to call his friends, will be extremely careful not to permit his company to become tedious, nor to give offense by too great freedom in his associations. Many young,r men make the great mistake of attempting,r too much familiarity with their female friends. A woman is sensi- tive and coy by nature; she is ever pleased with kindly atten- tions; she greatly admires refinement of manners and gentle- ness of speech; she does not want even an accepted friend to use his friendly relations for exercising any liberties—such as kissing, placing' the arm around the waist, etc.; and he who would retain a modest, well-bred Woman’s regard, must beware how he shocks her sense of propriety and her innate refinement. ALLO‘V N0 IMPROPER INTIMACY. Upon this theme Shirley Dare, in one of his late excellent “observations,” says: “ There isone rule that settles a thousand queries of the nature we are considering. Whatever is secret may he surely left untouched. The touch, the look, the inti- macy, the correspondence that needs to be secret, has some- thing wrong about it. It‘you are sure there is no evil in your motives, for heaven's sake come out and «vow your friendship, your design, whatever it may be. You make the world purer and set a precedent by your frankness “MIL tears away a thou- sand hypocrisies. The world has keen scent for the really mumpst 15 innocent, and if you can not face. its first sneers of criticism, you have reason to doubt yourself." SPECIAL TO YOUNG MEN. Young tnen ought studioust to Covet the acquaintance and friendship of sensible and modest young women. The sexes were not made for isolated lives. The most agreeable of companionships are thoseot" opposite sexes, and such ought to be encouraged by cveryjudieious parent. Many a boy has gone to the bad by forming the association of males alone, by imbibing their tastes, habits, and vices. The early companion- ship of females would have improved his manners, refined his tastes, and directed his ways into pleasant paths. When little, girls and boys play together, and are happy. When older, they become shy of each other, and too often drift so ’f‘ar apart as never to know each other again! Is this a wise order of things? By no means! It were far wiser for the young people to be pleasantly ItSSnCitliCd through all the years up to manhood and womanhood—40 preserve youthful friendships, and to retain youthful tastes. Thackeray says: “ One of the great benefits a young man may derive from women’s society is that he is bound to he re- spectt‘al to them. The habit is of great good to your moral man, depend upon it. Ottr education makes us the most eminently selfish men in the world. We tight for ourselves; we yawn for ourselves, and light our pipes, and say we won't go out; we prefer ourselves and our case; and the greatest good that comes to a man by woman‘s society is that he has to think of somebody besides himselt‘——somebo(ly to whom he is bound to he i'espeett't‘t Certainly I' don‘t want my dear Bob to aSSoeiate with there of the other sex whom he doesn't and can‘t respect; that is worse than billiards; worse than tavern brandy and water; and worse than smoking Selfishness at home. But. I row 1 would rather see you turning over l-aves of Miss Fiddlecombe‘s music-book all winter than at billiards or smoking. 01' “randy “"4 “at”, 01‘ “H “mm” .‘md another well-known writer says: “ It is a wondrous advantage to man, in every pursuit and Vocation, to secure an adviser in a sensible woman, In a woman there is at once a While delicacy of tact and a plain soundness of judgment v“ 16 THE Lovsn’s CASKET. which are rarely combined to an equal degree in man. A woman, if she be really your friend, will have a sensitive re- gard for your character and repute. She will seldom counsel you to shabby things, fora woman friend always desires to he proud of you. At the same time, her Constitutional titnidityinakes her more cautious than your male friend. She lht‘l'CllH'C 56mm“ COUIISt‘lS you to do an imprudent thing. A man’s best friend is a wife of good sense and heart, whom he loves, and who loves him. But, supposing the man to be without such a helpmate, female friendship he must still have, or his intellect will be a garden, and there will be many an unheeded gap even in its strongest fence. Better and safer, of course, are such friendships where disparity of years or circumstances puts the idea of love out of the question. Mid. (lle life has rarely this advantage ; youth and old age have. We. may have female friendships with those much older, and tltose much younger, than ourselves. Female friendship is to a man the bulv: rk, sweetness, ornament of his existence.” SOMETHING TO AVOID. Young men make a further mistake, in entering a strange society, in supposing that ladies regard them with suspicion or reserve because they are strangers. The fact, really, is the con- 1 ‘ary—ladies are usually interested in strangers ; and if a young man come well indorsed he is sure of a kindly reception in all well-bred Circles. Only let him be very careful not to let this reception betray him into the familiar ways of an old ac- quaintance. If, on entering a new society, thegentlcmzm "503 great freedom of manner and candor of speech, culling young ladies by their given namesI he will be written down a “ vul- gar fellow "-—that is, one unused to good society; and will hardly be a welcome guest thereafter. GALLANTRIES. It is a very delicate theme to treat of the “ gallantries” of men—how far they are permissible under friendship’s guise. A 1' *al gentleman ever will be gallant to the fair sex; nor will he perniit his gallantries to exceed the bounds ofstriet courtesy_ But there are so many mal: and female coquettes in Society, that flirtation has become a common thing, and men have FRIENDSHI‘P. ‘ 17 learned to show attentions of a markedand delicate Character to certain women merely to test their ability to incite, in the ' female heart, a feeling of love. This is detestable and vicious, and every person of honor, either male or female, will dis- Countenanec it. Between friends let there always be real gal- lantry; but let each offer of service, each gift, each visit, be open, candid, sincere. He is an enemy who dares to insult either purity or truth by professions to which his own heart gives the lie. GIFTS. As to gifts, it is impossible to indicate any strict, rule. A lady ought to be at liberty to accept from a gentleman any gift which it is his wish, in pure friendship, to bestow. But so ciety has resolved that no lady shall receive valuable presents from a gentleman who does not stand in the relation of lover. Like a great many of society‘s orders, this is to be honored in exceptions. Let friends be friends. If a lady wishes to pre— sent a gentleman with a pair of slippers, a dressing-gown, or a book, let her do it; if a. gentleman sees proper to send a lady friend a diamond ring, a set of furs, or a camel-hair shawl, let the lady receive it and thank the kind-hearted donor. BEWARE OF LOVE l When friendship advances so far that the gentleman be- gins to feel the burning of the tender flame, then his friend- ship is but a mask or disguise under which to approach his object. If the lady is unaware of the nature of the feeling, and is receiving the gentleman still as hereonfidant and friend, the gentleman ought to be exceedingly careful in his advances, in order not to deceive the lady and make her say and do things which, otherwise, would have been omitted. The lady, too, when she perceives that her affections are becoming deeply interested in the man, will be guarded in her inter- course, language and acts. This it is woman’s nature to do, as we have elsewhere showa ; she is so coy in love that the first consciousness of its dawn will drive her into a reserve often fatal to her own happiness. it is an absurd mistake, that only the unobsgrvaut make, that all women are ready to receiVe a man’s declaration of love, and therefore, that a man is at liberty to fall in love with whom he pleases. Women, 18 THE mvnn‘s msxm. in fact, are extremely careful in disposing of their best nfi'ec- lions ; and many a man is received as a friend who, as a lover, Would be decidedly unacceptable. Every proper-spirited mun ought, on discovering that his friendship illlS blossomed into a love-flower,» to he so solicitous to place the lady in a position of perfect security, as to withdraw from her associa- tion entirely rather than compromise his own position by giv- ing the lady either pain or mortificution. CORRESPON DENCE. Correspondence between friends has its forms, which it is ever proper to observe. These forms are discussed at length in another volume of this series,* and deserve attention. They not only develop sentiments, but also suggest new sources of regard and excite new emotions between friends of either sex. ‘ See “Bundle‘tI Dime. Letter Writer,“ nnd especially “ Bendie‘a Dime Ladiea‘ Letter Writer," which will prove a valuable aid to concapondo once upon all the themes of Friendship, Love, Society, Business, etc., etc. L O V E . THE DAWN or LOVE. Where friendship ends and love begins not even the wisest man can tell. The “divine. passion " is so insidious in its advances that, in most cases, hearts are bound in its chains wholly unawarcs. Then follows a season of unrest, which, at times, is one of exquisite pain; at other moments, of exquisite pleasure. The woman is startled, anxious. timid ; she becomes not only reticent but apparently reams approach. Her lover, to her, is an enemy in disguise, having robbed her of that priceless gem which she supposed was safe in lur heart of hearts—her maiden affection. With singular incomiatency, she feels a sense of shame or mortlfication at her loss of command over her feelings. ‘ Says a very observant writer: “ Though a woman has no reason to be ashamed of an attachment to a man of merit, yet nature, whose authority is superior to philosnphy, has annexed a sense of shame to it.‘ It is even long before a woman of delicacy dare avow to herown heart that she loves; and when all the subterfuges of ingenuity to conceal it from herself fail, she feels violence done both to her pride and to her modesty. This, I should imagine, must be always the case where she is not sure of a reciproCaI attachment. In such a situation, to lay the heart open to any person whatever, does not appear to me consistent with the perfection of female delicacy.” This is exceedingly true, as every female who has “ loved with one love ” knows. Love‘s sncnn'nvsmcss. We have said that where a friendly correspondence develops the sentiment of love, it ceases, on the lady’s part. from an in- stinct, as it were, of selfipreservation. She wishes not only to fathom her own heart—to test her feeling, but. also to hide that love from its object, and numerous cases occur where this 79397". or fleeing from self, results in the. total louof its object 20 ms Lovsu’e casxsr. in consequence of the man’s misconception of the woman’s con- duct, or his ignorance of the ways in which her love is ex pressed. 'l‘o censure a woman for this reserve is to act with cruel in- j1131i00- It is “0" only in her nature to be shy at love’s ap- DI'OZICII, bl“, {mm the very circumstance of man’s superior ad- vantage in all worldly affairs, she would be imprudent, in the highest degree, 10 betray her passion until its fullest recipro- cation is unquestimmme. A father thus wisely wrote to his daughter on “ affairs of the heart” ' “In point of: prudence, it eonCerns you to attend well to the consequences of such a discavery. These secrets, however im- portant in your own estimation, may appear very trifling to your friend, v ho possibly will not enter into your feelings, but may Consider thctn as a subject of pleasantry. For this reason love secrets are of all others the worst kept. But the 'conse- quences to you may be verv serious, as no man of spirit and delicacy ever valued a heart hackneyed in the ways of love. If, there-fine, you must have a friend to pour out your heart. to, be sure of her honor and secrecy.” CONFIDENCES. He adds, however, a somewhat peculiar proviso, which we -' 'nrc not disposod to question, but which tnarricd women, who are fond of the confidences of young pcrsors, will be apt to resent: “Let her not be a married woman,” he says, “es- pccially if she lives happily with her husband "—thc wherefore of which advice is: “ There are certain unguarded moments in which such a woman, though the best and wot-tiniest of her sex, may let hints escape, which, at other times, or to any other person than her husband, she would be incapable ot‘; nor will a husband, in this case, feel himself under the. same obligations of secrecy and honor as if you had put your con- fidence originally in himself, especially on a subject which the World is apt to treat so lightly.” THE FIRST CONSCIOUSNESS OF LOVE. The first. real awakening of the man’s heart to the influence of woman is an epoch in life never to be forgotten. It may have been preceded, it often is preceded. by flashes of admira- tion or interest, such as the schoolboy designates love; but these are as nothing to that first. true. deep. absorbing passion v.0 LOVE. 21 which it is impossible to mistake. It is not necessary that the ohjr-et of it should be either beautiful or worthy; she may be a plain woman, full of faults, whims, (-apriees, selfishness, un- attractive in manner, and with a heartof marble. It matters not—lie loves, and he is happy. His affection is returned: “ And to know the loves him- Know her kind as fair-- 13 in joy to revel, Is to walk on air.” Equally strong, equally absorbing is the influence of love in its bright, rosy dawn on the gentle nature of woman. The newly-awakened emotion tills her life, and lends a mystical beauty both to earth and sky. \Vhat a proud, joyous, happy moment that is, when a young and innocent girl first says to herself, “I am beloved, and my lover is dearer to me than the whole world.dearer to me than my own life i” Poets and novelists never tire of depicting the charms of the springtide of love in wonzan. They show how it adds beauty to the beautiful, and invests even those of ordinary attractions with a singular charm and fascination, the result of happiness and lightness of heart. These latter are and ever were the best . Cosmetics In them lies the magic of perpetual youth, and V they should at least accompany the dawn of love in woman’s heart. / A MAN‘S WAY. In one of our novelists we read of a lover whose devotion to the object of his passion was such that he would have “taken the sunshine out of his own life to save the clouds from darkening down on hers. lie would have left his day without a noon to prevent night from closing over hers.” A woman‘s WAY. This is a woman‘s utterance: “ I believe if 1 should die, And you should kiss my eyelids when I lie. Cold, dead, and dumb to all the writ! contains. The folded orbs would open at thy breath. And from it. exile in the aisles of death would come gladly back along my voinl. 'mr: Lovnn's CASKET. " I believe it' I were dead, And you upon my lifeless heart should tread. Not knowing what the poor clod chanced to be, It would find sudden pulse beneath the touch or him it ever loved in life so much, And throb again, wnrm, tender, true to thee. “ I believe if on my grave, Hidden in Woody dcepsor by the wave, Your eyes should drop some warm tears of regret, From every sully seed of your dear grief Some fair sweet blossqu would leap into leaf, To prove death could no: umke my love forget. “ I believe it I should t'zuie Into those mystic realms where light is made, And you should long once more my face to see, I would come forth upon the hills of night, And gather stars like ftgots till thy sight, Led by the beacon blaze, fell full on me. . “ I believe my faith in thee, Strong us my life, so nohly placed to be, It would us soon expect to see the sun, Fall like it dead king from his hight sublime, His glory stricken from the throne of time, As thee unworthy the worship thou hast won. I “ I beliere who has not loved Huth halt the treasure of his life improved; Like one who with the grape within his grasp, .r Drops it with all its Crimson juice unpressed, t And all its luscious sweetness let't ungucsaed. Out from his careless and uuhceding clasp. “ I believe love, pure and true, Is to the soul It sweet, immortal dew, Thut gems life's petals in its hours of dusk; The wuiting angels see and recognize The rich crown-jetvel, love, of paradise, When life falls from us like a withered husk." “ Brimrning with glory” may be written of this; yet it is woman's language. Mun never could or would so sink his very being in that of another; woman, who loves with an the power other nature, prefers to lOSB‘hCl'Sle in the object adored. This is why she makes the best. religious devotee. She can give herSelf up to n divine. Worship to a degree SCfll'Ct‘ly comprelumsihle to main. (lu'ive'ntfl and the reclusi- will :Il‘t‘ umc. 23 simply congenial to such enthusiast souls. The loves of ,‘llc- lard and lleloisc, so celebrated in histm'y,illustratc this point. Surely the mere fact of being the ohject ot" such tit'votitm must fill a life with happiness. And devmiou like this is not rare. There may be engagements in which there is no love, as there are marriages in which there is no real union; to love and to be loved are natural or normal human experiences. UN‘VORTIIY OBJECTS OF LOVE 171' “'OMAN. It is true, alas, that the object of the love-passion may not always be worthy, and, as a sad consequence, the records of the day are full of unhappy histories. Women will love men without inquiring as to their character, disposition and station in society, all of which are prime essentials in the things first to be considered. The very desire of woman to be loved, and her Contiding,r habits or peculiarities, make her an easy prey to designing men, as the. thousands or miserable unions will testify. A InilEiouaire’s daughter, in New York, fell in love with her father‘s Coachman, and was recently married to him. She was well educated, with cultivated tastes and refined habits; he was a tor-eiguer—well enough in his place, but a coarse, unlettered man. What could come of such an alliance but wretcheduess? It was not that one was rich and the other poor. That, in itself, is r‘ally a trifling discrepancy; riches, as such, never yet made a happy thatch where gold wasthrown in the scale; marriage, then, is u mere transaction. But, the gulf between the lady and her Coachman, love never could bridge over ; there were ditlerences 80 utterly irrecOucilable that only sacrifice and sutl'ering on the woman’s part could ensue. The man had nothing.,r to lose ~the woman every thing, and she soon gunk (0 his level, for, to elevate him to her level, was as impossible as to lift a hill from the plain; to retine habits, tastes, and acquirements re- quires that the process should be commenced in youth; after they are continued, in the individual, they may be said to be ilcrtnauent, or only slightly to be modified. “‘ \Ve hth- l-.no\\'n of cases, where tine girls, belonging to good families, became enamored of gamblers, prize-fighters, circus-men, Ethiopian ministrels, car-drivers, etc., and never 3th knew a case of such méurlh’anoo \rlliCh did not end in G .a. 24 Tm: Lovaa's CASKET. sorrow, and, usually, in disgrace. But, with theSe multiplied warnings before them, girls still will rush into the arms of men their ini‘eriors in every sense, trusting with consummate l'oily, that some exception to the rule will be vouchsafed to them. “ They know," says the sharpsightcd Saturday Review, “ all about Don Juan well enough ; they are perfectly well aware how he treated A and B and C and D; but when it Comes to their own turn, they think that this time surely, and to them, things will be different and he in earnest; and so they slide down into the alluring flame, and burn their fingers for life by playing with forbidden fire. But, have we not all the secret belief that we shall escape the snares and pitfalls into which others have dropped, and among,r which we choose to walk? that fire will not burn our fingers, at least so very badly, when we thrust them into it? and that, by some legerdemain of Prtwidence, we shall be delivered tiom the Consequences of our own folly, and that two and two may be made to Count live in our behalf ‘i” This may he called a fatality-—-a destiny—4m inexorable decree; but, we say, it is all sheer stupidity. No woman having a particle of judgment is excusable for rushing into the fire, or for toying with a serpent, or for venturing upon ice that has failed to sustain others before her; why, then, is she not equally weak if she commits the far greater folly of giving up the priceless boon of her love to an object unworthy ? UNWORTIIY OBJECTS OF MAN’S LOVE. Men, too, commit the same folly, but with less frequency; anti then, too, they are so much less dependent for happiness and success upon woman than she upon man, that this mis- take is not apt to entail a life-misery or make a life-failure, as when a maiden sacrifices all to an inflituation. Men err in placing upon women a. too exalted estimate of their worth; they itloiize at times when they should be practical. TitltS, in Society the artful coquette will have a dozen admirers, all striving for her hand. A sound discretion would lead them to See her unworthiness. but, as the reviewer above quoted lays; “A man sees his comrades fluttering like unclmncd moths about some stately man-slayer. some fair and shining light act like a false beacon on a dangerous clitf to lure men 11,,”- , :L LOVE. 25 to their destruction ; he sees how they singe and burn in the flame of her beauty, but he is not warned. If one's own ex— perience teaches one little or nothing, the experienceof others goes for even less; and no tnan yet was ever warned off the destructive tire of love because his Companions had burnt their fingers there before him, and his own are sure to follow." 01' again: “ \Vhen a man, having shut his eyes to the practical attributes of the female heart and mind, finds not the neat, bright, industrious girl, ready to hang upon his words and to raise herself to his higbt, but the lazy slattern—lazy in mind and in body, unable to give or to communicate pleasure, but jealous and envious of those who do—one who is incapable of placing a generous construction on any act, and always ready to put. on it a mean and ignoble one—-then indeed is man ready to break out, with Milton’s Adam, into loud lamentation upon man’s fate in marriage, to urge that “ in numerable disturbances on earth ” come through “ this sex.” “ For either He neyer shall find out tit mate but, such As some misfortune brings hnu. or mistake, . Or when he wishes most shall seldom gain Through pcrverscness, but shall see her guln'd By a far worse; or if the love withheld By parents. or his happiest choice too late Shall meet, already linked and wedlock bound." Milton’s own experienee added a bitterness to this passion- ate burst; but it is to be questioned whether a little more quiet perception on his part, or eertainly on that of his wife, would not have avoided all the misery. The fact which we want to impress on the young is, that marriage is not an accident,but the most. important business of life; that like all business, it must be seriously engaged in ; that the common hap-hazard way of getting “into bonds" is the fruitful parent. of misery, poverty, drunkenness, and divorce. HOW TO AVOID MISTAKES. The fitness of things is to be preserved in our love relations most fully; and the young of both sexes should, at an early age, begin to comprehend this. The girl should only mate with those in whom she sees congenial tastes, like ambitions, and those good qualities which bring happiness. am haw; 26 'nm LOYER'S casma'r. Above all, she should distrust coarseness of language and de- meanor, as proving the person to possess a coarse mind, which will develop into a coarse it” not wicked manhood, as surely as the thunder-C'ash succeeds the lightning’s flash. It' girls couhl he taught to discriminate, even slightly, in these things; to form a Correct idea regarding a boy’s tastes, habits, manners, and temper, it would he a blessed beginning, and would lead them, as they grow up, to a clearer comprehension of charaef ter in the grown man. Let the young girl distinctly under- stand that no ideal of her own—her own purity, her own kindness, her own love of truth, her own respect for others—- is applicable to the boy, but that men are to be. judged in- dividually, each on his own merits as we would judge a hook. \Vomau’s standard of morals and tastes is so far superior to that of the sterner sex. as a class or race, that, if she acCords to them her own qualities she commits a great mistake. They are, as a race, (and beingr a man we speak in no ineoiuiderate manner,) below woman in their instincts; they are less sensi- tive and less impressihle; they are less scrupulous and less abiding; but, all this is consistent with a grand, good charac- ter, and where exceptions occur, as they do upon all hands—— where men are all that woman is, and have a man‘s strength besides—then we have, in truth, one of the noblest works of God. “You can not overestimate," says the Country Gentleman, “ the importance of a thorough knowledge of the man whom you design to marry. Uprightness, fixedness of principle, and unselfish and generous disposition, and good business abilities, should be regarded as indispensable. If a ,young man is a good son and brother, he will make a kind husband, provided you do your part.” And the same sensibleauthority adds.- “ Do not be won by trifles. A handsome face, a fine tigure and noble hearing may be (lCSiI‘ed. But they (:onstitutc a small part of what you need. They may be but the gm whirh hides some terrible deformity, “WI “'mcl'v“Y'flnddlyt will cause you emotions of disgust, terrible griet‘ or constant unrest. It. is not a iii: to aspire far above your yresen.‘ station in life, as this would give rise to solicitnde lest you should fail to adapt yourself to your changed circumstances.” W, 0003mm , COURTSHIP. THE noon AJAR. But, now let us presume that the young woman, having made her choice, has made it sensibly and with due consider- ation forthe future, and that she is loving worthily, which is the case in the great majority of marriages consummated ; the parties are so well adapted to each other that, with mutual deference to each other‘s little peculiarities or faults, they dwell together happier for each other’s existence. It is then right— nay, a need of human nature that the affection felt should determinate in courtship (which is simply the gradual unfold- ing of the [lower of love into full bloom) and marriage. " Wherever man pays reverence to woman,” says the sprightly Gail Hamilton, “whereVer any man feels the influence of any woman, purifying, chastening, nbashiug, strengthening him against. temptatioa, shielding him from evil, ministering to his self-respect, mediciuiug his weariuess, peopling his Solitude. winning him from sordid prizes, enlivening his monotonous days with mirth, or fancy, or wit, flashing hcavmi upon his earth, and mellowing it all for spiritual fertility—— there is the element of marriage. Wherever woman pays reverence to man—wherever any woman rejoices in the strength of any man, feels it to he God's agent upholding her weakness, confirming her purpose, and crowning her power; wherever he reveals himself to her, just, upright, inflexible, yet tolerant, merciful, heuignant, not uuruflied, perhaps, but not ()Vereome by the World‘s turbulence, and responding to all her gentleness, his feet on the earth, his head amongthe stars, helping her to hold her soul steadfast in right, to stand firm against the encroachment of frivolity, vanity, impatience, fatigue and discouragement, he ing to preserve her good-nature, to develop her energy, to consolidate her thought, to utilize her benevolence, to exalt and illumine her life—there is the essence of marriage, Its love is founded on respect, and increases v nut.- ,— e. , h > .h; J a»... .s —-u- s. w-._w~ m. 'rns Lom’s casxs'r. N . self-respect at the very moment of merging self in another. Its love is mutual, cqnally giving and receiving at eVCry instant of its action. There. is neither dependence nor independence, but interdependence. Years can not weaken its bonds, dis- tance can not sunder them. It is a love which vanquishes the grave, and transfigutes death itself into life.” This is beautifully and truly said, and is, believe us, dear young men and women, worthy of all aceeptation. He who loves courts the object of that love. Now, Cob- bett assures us that “ between fifteen and twenty-two all peo- ple will fall in love." age of forty-five; while old Burton, writing on love—melan- choly, gives us a still further extension of the case. What an idea this gives us of the courtship that must be perpetually going on! And it must be borne in mind that, in most cases, the success of the low-suit depends on the manner in which the courtship is conducted .’ There is a happy arrangement pro vailing in an Indian tribe in ()abul, by which the women en- joy the prerogative of courtship. The process adopted is very simple. If a lady is pleased with one of the opposite sex, she sends a friend to pin a handkerchief to his cap with the pin that she uses to fasten her hair. This is done in pub- lic, her name being mentioned at the time, and the favored one is then obliged to marry her, or, if not, to pay a substan- tial sum to her father. Unfortunately, perhaps, our customs are less primitive. The lover must make the advance, must disclose his passion, preSs his suit, and devote himself seri- ously to the business of that probationary routine which we call courtship. Often a man’s courting days are the happiest of his life. They should always be so; but it does not absolutely follow that they are. It is so easy. so delicious to love—the heart learns that lesson so readily—but the expression of that love, in accordance with set forms and conventional rules, is often rather atrial than otherwise. The bashful man finds himself constantly put to the blush. The man unaccustomed to so. ciety, and to ladies’ society especially, is forever at fault. Both are nervous, anxious, and ill at ease. Both need the advice and suggestions of those who have already acquired their ex- perience. That advice and those suggestions are not always Shakspcare extends this season to the \p .1: \ ‘ couiz'rsnrp. ' 29 l f readily obtained ; but a book may often be consulted with as much profit as a friend, and with that conviction this little , { volume is sulnnitted. DISIZNGAGED. Every thing in life worth having must be paid for. It. is not very gallant to say it, but it is very true that this applies , even to the position of a Iowa: 1 He sacrifices something,' for the privileges he enjoys. _ The halcyon days of love are preceded by a period oftex- l istence not. altogether unenviable. , There is a delicious freedom about it. The disengaged 1* man is wholly irresponsible. He goes where he will, and does what he likes. As some one has said, “ Every thing is forgiven him on ficcount of his position. If he talks nonsense, . it is his high spirits; if he dances incessantly the whole even- ; ' ing, it is that he may please ‘ those dear girls’; if he is marked ~ in his attentions to ladies, he is only on his probation; if he has a few fast, lounging habits, it is held all very well in a y, youngr fellow like that." Society has a perpetual welcome ‘ for him; the men like him for his social qualities, and the ladies receive him with rapture, if for no other reason than because—he is disengaged ! Nor is the position of the disengaged young lady—we are obliged to emphasize the adjective—-\vithout its charms. If she has beauty or wit, accomplishments or conversational powers, she goes into Society only to be courted and admired. The restrictions of society weigh less heavily upon her than upon others. In her innocent gaycty of heart she breaks through them with impunity. It is’her privilege to receive 1 attentions from all, and to be compromised by none. In the -' ball-room she reigns supreme; cavaliers are accepted or re- . jv-eaed as fancy or capriee may dictate. She may give a l smile to one, a passing word to another, and her motiVes will be misconstrued as little as her kindness will be presumed on. She will never be more happy, people tell her, and they may i be right. But what then? Youth, and homage, and abso- lute sway are delightful, but they are not to be retained by ' remaining for lite—disengaged. No l Just as the young bachelor finds life change for him (all: §-:zzt- . ... 40-» .-Aa~—....._._....~.M a...“ ...- «A ‘5 .a- saw-m m -rmr‘*‘ vm" 80 Tim Lovun’s CASKET. against his will. so the life of the careless, light-hearted girl assumes imperceptibly a freSh phase. She grows older; she loves, and then the. life that was So glorious satisfies her no longer. A fresh amhition‘tllis llCl' mind; it is that of enjoy- ing the whole and sole tlllt'ltiltrll oi" the. chosen one who i“; destined some day to make llt'l' his wil'e. It is of little use to give, advice in matters of this Slill; friends should not Ilse their inlluence to bring about eirgage- ments too early. Very young people hardly know their own hearts. e. . ‘ lilli , , ENGAGED. A'l‘ WHAT AGE 15 rr PROPER. =3” Besides, an early engagement means either a long engage- ment or an early marriage, and thero‘i'is m, against both. A good authorin says most"? \vomau can not he considered, in anytaenseifrpr’epared for this union under twenty-one—twenty-flflfitf:liettci‘rt She is not physically or mentally developed ingrethis. Solemn tlntics, Cares and responsibilities await her, omega. which site needs large physical development;mature it, good calcula- tion, domestic training, knowledge of m in. mi things. Girls of sixteen and eighteen can not have these. They can not tell what they really like or dislike—who or what will ‘meet their necessities—until nmtured themselves.” " We ltnow there are numerous athocates of an early mar- riage; hut, human physiology is against it; the future peace of parties is against it; the health of children born in wed~ lock is against it. To he disengaged from sixteen to twenty- (mc is, to the woman. to have five years of unrestricted time at her disposal, and, it"xhe is surrounded by pleasant associa- tions. she does herself great personal wrthig hy assumingr the responsibilities of wife and mother before the live years are past. These years should be years of preparation, in hotly and mind, for the coming relation; she should seek society and enjoy it; but more: she should court home iullueuees, home knowledge. assiduously; she should learn how to he mistress of a house that is to he her own—how to cook, sew, wash, mend, and to order servants, without which knowledge she is absolutely untitted for married life, no matter what may be her station and means. A good wife can Only be such by $9,! to he urged ly: “ A young .- t my, ' a rule, no .i w. -o...‘ h.» ... -' w s .v-.. _. ,i. v _M.. ... V..- s, __, ,_ oabn'rsmr. ; ' 31 knowing all of a wife’s duties. She who knows nothing of housekeeping and household economy is no proper wife for any prudent man. All thist'knowledge comes al'ter school days are. over; and the years from sixteen to twenty-one are none too many to learn the secrets of a happy home. To this point we attach so mucli importance, that we wish to Consider it in all its aspects. A notable writer and lecturer tints states his qualifications of our general disapproval of early marriages : “ That early nutrriages have their drawbacks is uuquestionable. That they are often fatal to the happiness of thosefioucerned is not to be doubted. But it is impossible to ,lay down rules in such matters, and the common-sense View of all“: question has been Well put in this way: “Every thing depend; on the young persons themselves—- on their habits, their mental character, and their general fit- “mess for th i xijugal relation as well as upon their years.” As fit is fit. to'bectnn- a husband before he is twenty- tire, and no woman a with before she is twenty; but, Some men and women are practically older at twenty, as far as eligibility for matrimony is Muted, than others are at thirty, and hence Hxl‘sueh general rules are unequally appli— cable, and indivldlihl Cases will still demand a careful dis~ crimination. 'th‘y,’ we should say to a young woman, ‘the figment he solicits your hand in WlmSt: care you can securely place the guardianship of your future; and remember that. a {cw years more or less between you constitute a' point of little comparatiVe importance.‘ To a man We should say, ‘ Meaty, sir, as soon as you are persuaded that you have en- countered a. steady, alfeetionate, tidy, industrious Woman, and yofl‘kuow that you have the love, the Jjtulgment, and the re- sources to make her a happy and contented eompanion.’ ” ENGAGEMENT NOT TO BE PROTRACTED. As to the engagement, the term of it should depend some- what on circumstances and the state of readiness of the pat" ties; but, it never should he loin.r protracted without impera- tive reasons. If the young people have been long :tt'Qllaltitt'tl, an engagement ought Smut to he followed by a nmrriage-day being named. If there are objections to this day riding fixed .2! .t Qt“- M“ A”, 32 'rn h‘. Lovnn’s CASKET. or determined, the engagement itself had better be held in aheyanee. If the young people are comparative strangers to eaeh other‘s characters, habits. tastes, etc., an intimaey of twelve months is not a. day too long to test these all-important things; nor should there be any actual or formal engagement during this period, which may he regarded as experimental. It is the" parents’ duty and right to fully investigate the matter of a yoitng man’s character, position and statements, as preliminary to any engagement; and a young man who takes offense at this inquisition, in that very act gives evidence that something is wrong, or that his temper is one of insolent independence. An honorable wooer will eVer be pleascd to have his prece- dents investigated. Young women, beware of the man, young, middle-aged or old, of whose history you are not fully informei‘ . The wooing that goes on year after year is no certain to conduee to the happiest marriage. It is regarded as a test of constancy, but it is possible to make the test too severe. Be- sides, it is every wife’s desire to retain the lover in the has- band, and this does not always result after a long, spiritless engagement. Moreover, not unfrequently the virtue of the proverb that warns us of the many slips between the cup and the lip is exemplified iii this matter, and the long-deferred marriage very frequently does not come otf at all. THE WOOING TIME. This wooing time is celebrated in prose and poem, It is as the vestibule to that Paradise of wedded love, whose por- tals are ever ready to open at the behest of the worthy tlcvo- tee. It is then that life seems a summer sea; all hopes, all fears, all desires, center in its loved object ; the days are an too long if the loved one is not present, and the evening time is all too short if the loved one present. The poet Lang- ford sings: “ Oh, the wooing time of life! The sweet wooing time of life l When the present, is delight, And the future, looming brlght, “ed: a rich. prophetic halo round every passing day; ' When the birds in wood and grove \ .K —‘ 1 r --K.—_.~____- oounrsum 33 Sing forever of their love; When the earth is sweet with flowers, And the golden-winged hours, .Pleasure unalloycd bestoMng, flee joyously away! “ Oh, the wooing time of lifel The sweet wooing time of life! When the heart with rapture burns, And the bosom fondly yearns To solace every sorrow and to banish every strife. When the golden age again Bleases earth, and maids, and men. on. would the power were given, By the boundless grace of heaven, Forever to retain the sweet wooing time of life! It is then that the youth sighs all day over his work, think- ing only of the maid that is thinking of him; and many is the jest,t eproot‘, the sharp complaint, hurled at him be- cause his‘l has lost. its cunning, and his feet are unwilling servants. Well can we remember that starry time in our years—how nothing prospered but the wooing—~how the “ ledger” was unopened, the “ day-book " full of cross-entries and the “ blotter” (t singular mass of blots! How the elder heads wondered and mourned over our illness! Ah, heaven was Very near, then! And the maid! She is equally the creature of a passion which so absorbs all other passions that afi‘cction becmnes to her a tame word, and love is only a Cold form to express a sublimated feeling, an intense consciousness, which thrill her entire being. It is this maiden who thus writes to the beloved, not half a square away : “ Come in the evening, or come in the morning, ('ome when you‘re looked for, or come without warning, Kisses and welcome you‘ll find here before you, And the ofteuer you come here the more 1‘“ adore you. “ Light is my heart since the day we were plighted, Red is my cheek that they told me was blighted, The green of the trees looks far greener than ever, And the linuots are singing, ‘ True lovers don‘t scvcrl‘ “I‘ll pull you sweet floWers. to wear it’ you choose them, Or, after you've kit-"sod them, they'll lie on my bot-om; I‘ll fetch from the mountain its breeze to inspire you; I‘ll fetch from my fancy a tale that Won't tire you. I THE LOVER’S CASKET. “ Oi your step‘n like the rain to the summer-vexed runner, ()r saber and shield to a knight without armor; I'll sing you sweet songs till the stars rise above me, Then, wandering, I‘ll wish you, in silence, to love me. “ We'll lool; through the, trees at the eiitl‘ and the, eyrie, , We‘ll trend round the rath on the track ot' the t'alry, We‘ll look on the stars, and we‘ll li-t to the river, Till you ask of your darling what gift you can give her. “ O l she‘ll whisper you, ‘ Love as unchangeahiy beaming, And trust, when in secret, most tttnel‘ully streaming, Till the starlight of Heaven above us shall quiver, And our souls. tlow in one down Eternity‘s rirer.’ \ “ So, come in the (owning. or eome in the morning, , Come when you‘re looked for. or come without warning, Kisses and welcome you‘ll find here hetero you, And the oftener you Come here the euro I'll ado.u. " Light is my heart since the day we were plighted, Red is my cheek that they told me was bligoie-l, The green of the trees looks for greener than ever, And the llunets are singing, ‘ True lovers don‘t sever l’ “ THE 1’ ROI’OS.\ L. It comes at last l Slipping along as smoothly as a river of silver, the lover- becomes the wooer in spite of himself, and the wooer. ere he knows it, is proposing. That is a delicious moment in o womun's life, when she hears from the lips of the favored one the avowal that he loves her, and when he entreats her to become his own—his wile. it is, nevertheless, a solemn montent in the lives of hoth, eonsequences ol' the most serious nature depending' upon it. Proposals have been made under the most singular circum- szauees. We know an instance of a gentleman proposing to a lady who sat opposite to hitn in an omnibus; they were “nu-rim], and us it I|i1|)|)Cllctl,1)y the merest chance in the world. the match proved a tolerath happy one. This, how- ever, is exceeded in absurdity by a. well-anthenlieated ease of u gentleman, of good position, permitting himself to he so fascinated by the appearance, manners, and conversation or a lady whom he met on a 'uilway train that, before reaching _ ._'_" ————— .sr-.. ’ comm. 85 his destination, he not only entreated her to become his wife, but,as a proof of his sincerity, asked her acceptance of his gold Watch and chain, of very considerable Value! The lady properly declined the honor and the deposit. She rightly judged that, however agreeable he might be, and how- ever much in earnest at the moment, a man who acted on pure impuise in respect to such an important matter, antl \\u~- prepared to risk his life’s happiness on a capriee, was not likely to make a husband worth coveting. Much is said of love atfirst sight. Perhaps all love, deserving the name—that is, as distinguished from the mild glow of affection—is of that nature. But a proposal should always be the result of second thoughts. It is only a fool who suffers himself to be led into putting the rest of his life in jeopardy on to spur of the moment; and certainly no pru- dent. wot 'buld consent to accept an offer of marriage at the hands of a man whom she had only known a few days or weeks, as the case might he. Yet this sort of thing is per- petually done. A modern essayist observes, with great truth, “ The most common source of unsuitable marriages is plainly the sheer thoughtiessness with which many women marry. The process resembles nothing so much as raining. Virtually the whole thing is an afi‘air of ateeidcnt or chance, and the maiden who ‘ was married one morning as she went into the garden for parsley to stuff a rabbit,’ has too many imitators of her rashness.” - It is sad that this should be literally true, because the marriage tie is so close and binding, the happiness of those united by it. can only be secured by such thorough union and aCCord. that it is the grossest folly, not to say wickedness, for persons to incur the responsibility of matrimony in ignorance of each other's anteceth principles, habits, tastes, inclina- tions, and modes of think fig; especially as the tie is prac- cally indissolublc. There is sound wisdom in the homely proverb which warns us against rushing unthinkiugly into “the knot which is tied with the tongue and am not be untied by the teeth." No affair of life can be of such moment to man or woman as this of marriage, and those who enter into it rashly deserve to suffer all the misery which nine times in ten they do entail on themselves. u 36 mm Lovnn’s CASKET. HO‘V TO MAKE IT. Tennyson gives us the poetical manner in his “ Gardener’s Daughter.” Having described a garden, he says: “ Here sat; we down upon a garden mound,” and thus seated— “ We spoke of other things ; we coursed about The subject most at heart, more near and near, Like doves about a dovecote, wheeling round The central wish, until we settled there. Then in that time and place I spoke to her, Requiring, though I knew it was mine own, Yet, for the pleasure that I took to hear, Requiring at her hand the greatest gift~ A woman‘s heart, the heart of her I loved; And itt that time and place she answered me, And in the compass of three little words, More musical than ever came in one, The silver fragments of a broken voice. Made me most happy, ltsping, ‘1 am t/tine.‘ " Here, again, we find in a novelist “ another method,” as the cookery books put it——this is a proposal during a Country walk. and may be strongly recommended as a model of its kind. ‘ “ ‘ Stop,’ said St. George, as they were about to part, ‘you are not~uneonscious—you can not be unconscious—of the way in which I love you; how dear every thing belonging to you is to me. Oh, Polly I let me hope, let me believe that. I am not indifferent to you, and that you will try to love me, far more than you think you can now, in return for the way in which I will try to win that precious love!’ “Taken by surprise, she had no‘answer r 'ady. “ St. George took her hand. “ ‘ Oh, my true, first, deep love! I never knew half the value of my life until I met you; and now I could not bear it without the thought, the hope of you as my guiding star. Whisper the one word, and all my life, all its/strength, all its love shall be spent to make you happy!’ “ She grasped the hand he extended, and looked up into his face. It was enough. Then they sat down together on the beach, and with no other witnesses than the ever-changing, never-ceasing roll of the waves, the two young lovers ex- changed their vows ot mutual love. and faith, and trust." , _‘___, _ _, con n'rsmp. . 37 In a third and different style, we have the courtship in “David Copperfield,” in which the tacitnrn carrier owns his intentions to l’eggotty, by inserihin;r in ehalk on the tail- lioard of his earl the words, “ liarltis is willin’." Examples might he multiplied: hut these will sulliee. The very worst style, of proposing,r is (loinic,r it by proxy. King,r Edgar of England, it will he reeolleeted, tried this plan, and with .ittle sueeess. He sent his favorite Courtier to see a lady whose heauty was noised ahroad, and to plead his eause with her. The eourtier sent, word that the lady was only estimahle for her wealth; and, infatuated with her heauty, made her his own hride—a pieee ol' treachery for whieh he ultimately paid the penalty with his life. His fate, however, has not deterred others from lollowintar his example, but woo- ing by prox is very Seldom sneeesaful in any respect. Do your own #ttl'liug as you would do your own eating; or sleepingr l Faint-hearted lovers—timid, nerVous, and tumble to bring themselves to the ptant—sometimes adopt the expedient of proposing by letter. This is always objectionable, where a personal interview is to he had, because a man can tell his love so much hotter than he can write ahont it. The passion of his breast glows in his eyes. The sineerity ol' tlmse feel- ' ings to which he struggles to give utteranee is gallit-t‘el from the tone of his voiee, and the ohvious emotion which over- Comes him. Now, in a letter there are only Words, and generally ill-chosen ones. There is nothing.)r so difficult to write, in eertain stages of a 'man‘s suit, as a “ love—letter." Either it is too impassioned and savers of exaggeration, or it is too inatter-of-fitet and eonVeys an idea of coolness. Stilted it is almost sure to he; and it is only hy good fortune that it eseapes heinj.r ridiculous to his own eyes. This is, however, in the ineipieney of his suit. \Vhen once fully em- harked on the lore-yaeht ol' Cupid—when his heart is keenly alive, and his feelings gain the mastery, then a love»letter is a sort of matter of c«xttl‘: